in San Francisco
Are You Worried About the Future of Your Relationship?
- Do you miss the closeness, ease and excitement that you and your partner once shared?
- As distance and conflict grow between you, do you feel lonely and unappreciated?
- Are you tired of cycling through the same frustrating arguments without resolution?
- Are you worried that your relationship will end, or that it will always be unhappy or unfulfilling?
- Do you wish you and your partner could renew intimacy and connection?
Relationship issues can be isolating and overwhelming, especially if it feels like you and your partner aren’t on the same team.
Like many couples in San Francisco, you and your partner might have busy lives, with careers, families and other obligations that leave you feeling stressed and drained. After a hectic day, maybe all you want is to feel recognized, understood and supported by the person you love.
Instead, it may feel like your relationship is stuck in conflict, disconnection or both. As time goes on, you might wonder if it’s possible to build the nourishing relationship that you crave.
Many—If Not All—Couples Struggle With Distance and Conflict
Relationships can be hard. They can push all of our buttons and touch our most vulnerable places. After all, your partner is the person who matters most to you—the person you’ve entrusted with your heart, along with your dreams for the future.
As human beings, we are wired to connect. We find strength in feeling seen, heard and valued. And we find joy in offering that same care to someone else.
However, that doesn’t mean connection is easy. Few of us have good models of what it means to cultivate a loving, secure relationship. We don’t always know how to be open and honest. And, it can be challenging to establish both healthy boundaries and healthy intimacy.
We’re also prone to compare ourselves to others. It’s common to scroll through social media or watch romance play out on the big screen, wondering why you can’t have what seems to come so easily for everyone else. You might worry that there’s something wrong with you, or something wrong with your partner.
Relationship issues are nothing to be ashamed of. The images captured in mainstream and social media only tell part of the story. In reality, you and your partner are far from alone.
Neither are you doomed to a tense, unsatisfying partnership. Your relationship can and should be a site of comfort and renewal—a safe, stable foundation that offers the support you need to navigate life.
A skilled, experienced relationship therapist can help you and your partner reduce the hard moments in your relationship. You can move forward together, as your best, most authentic selves.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Build a Trusting, Intimate Relationship
Our therapists know how painful relationship strain can be. We also know that you and your partner can make positive, lasting changes.
Whether you’ve been together for months or decades, your relationship matters. We’re committed to helping you find your way back to one another.
- A supportive, confidential space
- Nonjudgmental warmth and compassion
- Training and expertise in relationships
- Practical tools to build communication skills
Get to the Heart of the Matter
Conflict can be difficult to resolve on your own. During arguments, things usually move very fast. Your adrenaline rises. Your heart races. You enter a fight/flight/freeze state, with few avenues for a careful response.
When your emotions and senses are heightened, it’s hard to understand what your partner is trying to communicate. It can also be difficult to process your own feelings. And, when you can’t hear or hold your own feelings, it’s impossible to truly hear and hold your partner’s.
Therapy provides an opportunity to slow conflict down. Your therapist can help you notice when you are turning away from one another or when an argument is heating to its boiling point.
With gentle, objective guidance, you and your partner can practice expressing your feelings, wants and needs without spiraling into a fight. You can start to truly communicate.
Couples counseling can help you and your partner address:
- Repetitive arguments (e.g., conflict around careers, in-laws, parenting, finances, etc.)
- Patterns of shutting down and/or lashing out
- Old, unresolved hurts
- Broken trust and crossed boundaries
- Feelings of loneliness and rejection
Nurture Your Unique Bond
Your therapist will guide you, offering the individualized strategies needed to explore and overcome the unique obstacles you’re facing, as well as nurture your relationship’s unique strengths.
No matter what your relationship looks like, you don’t have to do it alone.
With relationship and marriage counseling, you and your partner can:
- Build deep trust
- Show your partner your true self
- Understand and accept your partner’s true self
- Recognize each partner’s role in the overall relationship dynamic
- Shift unhelpful patterns
- Bring out the best in one another
- Foster harmony, connection and love
- Work together as a mutually respectful, supportive team
No matter what you and your partner are struggling with, change is absolutely possible. You are already doing the best you can with the tools you have. With new, more effective tools, you can make things better. You can begin to take shelter in one another.
You may have questions or concerns about relationship and marriage therapy…
What if my partner won’t come to therapy?
You can’t change your partner, and you can’t force them to come to therapy. You only have control over yourself.
That said, a relationship is a dynamic system. While it’s ideal to have both partners in sessions, you can shift the system on your own.
Therapy can help you recognize the patterns at play in your relationship and identify ways to change unhelpful words and behaviors. Once you start to make positive changes, your relationship is likely to grow in response.
We don’t have time for couples therapy.
Especially here in the San Francisco, the demands of commutes, jobs, family obligations and more can make carving out time for your relationship difficult. You might feel like you just don’t have any time or energy to spare.
However, we invite you to consider how much time and energy relationship conflict is eating up. When you and your partner are clashing, it can be hard to show up as your best self, whether with your clients, colleagues or family members.
When a relationship is working well, it can serve as a foundation for the rest of your life. It can offer you a sense of security and safety—a space to rest and renew. With help, you can reduce clashes and create harmony.
Do we really need therapy? Can’t we just figure it out on our own?
If you’re reading this page, you’ve probably already tried everything you can think of, to no avail.
And that’s okay. There’s no shame in struggling to figure it out on your own. When you’re caught in the cycle of relationship conflict, it can be extremely difficult to see what’s really going on. It can seem impossible to find a way out.
If you’re feeling stuck, it’s okay to reach out for help. You can write the book on resolving relationship conflict and still find it impossible to be objective about your own. Believe it or not, even couples therapists go to couples therapy.
Building a healthy relationship is a learned skill. You deserve to offer yourself the opportunity to learn it.
You Deserve Connection And Care
Take the first step toward the relationship you’ve been longing for. Contact us or call us at 415-310-5142 to schedule your initial session. We offer couples counseling in the Castro district of San Francisco.