#20: How Do You Talk to Yourself?

In today’s episode, we discuss your relationship with yourself, focusing on the skill of Loving-Kindness.

• When you are having a hard time, are you kind or harsh with yourself? 
• Do you berate yourself for real or perceived mistakes?  
• Do you try to motivate yourself with criticism? 

These tactics tend to not work in the long-run and erode your sense of self. 

What if you had permission to be gentle and compassionate with yourself?

The DBT skill of Loving-Kindness meditation is based on the  Buddhist practice of Metta, which can help you cultivate a gentle, loving relationship with yourself. Although the roots of this skill lie in Buddhism, we offer a secular version of the practice here.

Show Highlights:

• Self-criticism can get conflated with accountability
• How would you speak to a good friend, or to someone you love when they are having a hard time?
• The role of hope in being kind to ourselves
• Acknowledging our common humanity is part of self-compassion work
• Everyone goes through hard times and this is part of being human
• Loving-Kindness Meditation is a series of 4 statements:
  • May I be Safe
  • May I be Happy
  • May I be Healthy
  • May I live with Ease
• Try sending Loving-Kindness to a neutral person first, then to someone you love, then to someone you’re angry with. Lastly, send it to yourself.
• Loving-Kindness can be a way of practicing Opposite Action
• Let go of the language of “deserving” 
• Rather than being selfish, being kind to yourself can actually help you be kind with others

Links & Resources:

• DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
• The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff

Would you like to ask a question and have the chance for it to be answered on the podcast? If so, please use this form. Please note that asking a question and this podcast in general is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.