In Part 2 of How to Assert Yourself, Marielle and Ed discuss common interpersonal pitfalls in speaking up for yourself in relationships.
Do you swallow your needs and then find they all come out in a rush of words and anger?
Vacillating between staying silent and then blowing up is common and hurts both your relationships and your self-respect. This episode offers lots of ideas to help you avoid these extremes.
It can be hardest to speak up in our closest relationships because that is where the stakes are the highest. Despite what our fears may say, speaking up actually can strengthen relationships if done skillfully.
- Fears of losing love if we rock the boat in our closest relationships
- Memorize DEAR MAN to help you communicate with confidence
- Use GIVE if your relationship is the top priority
- Use FAST if your self-respect is the top priority
- Don’t forget to be fair to not just the other person, but to yourself as well
- If you wait too long to speak up, it may come out forcefully when you do
- Don’t apologize for having needs or disagreeing with someone
- Noticing the urge to exaggerate or embellish
- If the relationship is your top priority, validate the other person with words and actions
- Use an easy manner to promote openness in conversation
- Act as if you are confident until you actually feel confident
- Negotiate when needed, but don’t begin a request with negotiating your needs and wants if they are really important
- Moving away from prioritizing the other person’s needs over your own
- Resentment can build if you keep pushing down your needs
- Learning to assert yourself takes practice, patience and self-compassion
DBT Skills Discussed
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